Sunday, April 9, 2017

Bestfriends mean to you

There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life. But no relationship is ever a waste of time. If it doesn’t bring you what you want, it teaches you what you DON’T want.

We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are. Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will surely create one for you. And remember, when you’re up, your ‘friends’ know who you are, when you’re down, you know who your ‘real friends’ are. It just takes a little time to figure it all out.

We all have a different stages of bestfriends. From childhood to primary to secondary to college to worklife. The lucky will stay close and stay bestfriends but not everyone have that luck. Included of me. I don't have one that stay as his/r bestfriend but i still called them as mybestfriend.

They should be lucky when i draw their face in my memories and i am bless i once in the memories. Through the joy and cloud, i found the happiness. Through the sorrow and frustrated, i found the sincerity. Through the wealth and health, through the thick and thin. i know there is you who always there for me.

#whoismybestfriend #ineefabestfriends


Friday, April 7, 2017

teacher challenge for ADHD

Astagfiruallahalaim.. astagfiruallahalazim..

Al-Latif Al-Latif.. Al-Latif..

seminggu ni.. emosi lagi lagi tidak stabil.. walaupun i did'nt curse loud.. i curse a lot inside the heart.. you will be surprise if those cursing explode all over the floor..

cikgu minta maaf Ain Iman.. cikgu dah cuba nak ikhlaskan hati.. cikgu dah cuba baca dalam hati Al-Latif.. Al-Latif.. tapi akhirnya cikgu kalah.. cikgu balik rumah cikgu hempas semua rasa amarah kat family.. cikgu cerita cikgu xfaham apa masalah Ain Iman.. cikgu xcukup ilmu nak handle Ain mahupun Iman.. benarlah kata Ustaz Ain.. "ilmu manusia ni ibarat lebihan titisan air kat hujung jari(bila celuk dalam laut) jer walaupun seluruh dunia manusia merantau mencari ilmu Akhirnya ilmu tu dijung jari jer, manakala ilmu Allah ni seluas-luas lautan" maaf Ain.. maaf mama Ain Iman.. cikgu Ain Iman xkuat.. cepat betul terhasut dengan syaitan.. cikgu selalu cakap kat Ain Iman " jangan biarkan keturunan nabi Adam kalah dengan syaitan" tapi, cikgu :'( Ain dengan Iman banyak buat cikgu terfikir.. menguji kesabaran.. dan mental..

Ada masa bila Ain ugut cikgu terjun bangunan nak jer cikgu terjun dulu.. Ada masa Ain mengamuk dan dalam keadaan badan dan tangan bergegar menahan marah.. nak jer cikgu jerit dan buat hal yang sama... Ada masa Ain tuduh cikgu ambil barang2 Ain, padahal Ain terlupa nak letak mana.. nak jer cikgu suruh Ain melutut maaf.. Ada masa Ain lari pusing dan ber kali pusing bangunan dan keluar sekolah.. nak jer cikgu biarkan.. Ada masa Ain jerit2 cakap Ain dah makan.. nak jer cikgu tarik tangan ain kasar2 turun pergi kantin.. Ada masa Ain jerit tuduh2 kawan2 Ain.. ain tahu, diorang tu pun sama macam Ain.. ada waktu "bad day"  kadang2 diorang boleh terima  kadang2 bila ain tuduh buat sesuatu yang dioang xbuat diorang nak buat betul2.. Ain.. cikgu faham.. ada masa cikgu nampak kawan2 ain usik2.. tapi Ain perasan x? banyak masa kawan2 ain betul2 berkawan dengan ain.. banyak mengalah dengan ain.. banyak keistimewaan yang ain dapat dan kawan2 ain xdapat.. banyak hal yang ain buat tidak menjadi masalah dan by the time, kawan2 ain buat bakal menjadi masalah besar bagi mereka. Ain nak cikgu senaraikan ke? maaf  Ain.. maaf mama ain iman.. cikgu memang strict pula minggu ni.. but yet cikgu rasa cikgu masih loving teacher..hehehe kalau x, xdela ain sanggup kejar cikgu bila masa cikgu dah habis kan.. mula2 tu cikgu rasa bahagia la.. tapi lama2 cikgu faham Ain ada masalah "separation Anxiety" sepatutnya usia kanak2 macam ain dah xde separation anxiety setiap kali hantar kesekolah.. kalau nak bercerita kisah ain xkan habis sama macamna bila ain dah mula hyperactive.. "you will talk all day long" mood sengih memanjang dan menyanyi.. kadang2 tu melompat dan siap package main kejar2 dengan kawan2. sepertinya masalah sosial xde dalam diri ain.. dan all the time mata ain selalu xdapat fokus bila cikgu mengajar kat depan.. kalau subjek lain yang tidak melibatkan penglihatan.. cikgu yakin ain xde masalah.. tapi bila bab matematik ain xfokus cikgu mmg tegas.. cikgu nak ain fokus..sebab matematik melibatkan jalan kira dan nombor.. cikgu nak ain boleh mandiri.. bergerak sendiri setiap kali transition class..kawal diri dari rasa marah.. dan kawal diri dari pandangan buruk terhadap orang.. juga kawal perbuatan tangan kaki dan lidah.. jadi adakah ketegasan cikgu membuatkan ain tertekan? cikgu xnak beremosi.. cikgu cuba berfikir positif sehabis mungkin.. tapi xselalunya cikgu berjaya..  ada masa ain aggressive.. ain cursing dan lupa ain adalah budak yang cerdas dan bijak..  ain hina orang sekeliling ain.. ain marah dan in  a meantime ain boleh tersengih macam xde apa yang berlaku.. sebetulnya, cikgu xsempat nak brain myself how do i should react? lupakan kesalahan ain dan tersengih balik kat ain? macam tu? jadi apalah gunanya cikgu untuk Ain.. bagi cikgu.. ain perlu tahu.. kesalahan dan kebaikan ain pada diri ain dan pada orang sekeliling ain.. begitu juga sebaliknya.. ain is special to me. really special..

Iman.. a very very long words.. maybe next time..

2.10 in early morning,
tentang impian dan cita-cita..
semoga Allah jadikannya kenyataan..


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Bad day is exist

In morning-rasa macam balaci pun ada if this kind of thing is going to be like this day by days.. hmm.. dear parents... if you don't treat with respect the teacher, then how your kids will do the same.. you know the weather as well.. you know its raining.. and you are sending late your child at school.. the gate is already close.. what do you expect?  To open the gate for your child? Then to open your car door?  Then your child teacher see how full your mouth is.. this is about manners.. treat with respect and manners! This is annoying.. seriously annoyed me..

In evening after the kids solat zohor- tmpt duduk kena selongkar. Car keys terkeluar dr tempat fail.. duit hilang 30 or 40.. air kotak dutch lady hilang.. plastik dutch lady on floor.. aku taktahu nak syak sapa.. nak take action macamna as aku mmg xingat jg duit ada berapa dlm dompet.. but surely my car keys terusik.. someone touch my personal things.. and i lost my milk.. i felt sad.. but poorly, i'm more sad for those who steal and touch my things without my permission..again.. i felt so go bananas..rasa nak curse on that time.. but i just can't.. i have no evidence and no witnesses.. more that that, i don't want to judge my children..mybestfriends.. i want to believe they are just kids and they won't do something is not right.. if might one of them do.. please Allah, calm of my heart..

At night-my sister told me something that i don't like.. my heart keep beating fast to fight with words back but at the same time, my brain ask me to hold on and listen.. for me.. she just saying and hurt my butt..cried right now 

Everything from morning to night.. it was tiring and tiring.. a very bad day..


Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Jangan terpedaya

Harini ustaz masuk kelas sudah hampir ke tghri tp bau perfumes still wangi tumo tumo lagi... ha3.. berzikir cikgu hada dlm hati takut terjatuh hati 👧💘👦.. he3.. kalau ustaz y terjatuh hati dulu xpela.. 👦💘👧 ha3..

Kata anak muridku lagi depan ustaz y sama tuu dgn lantangnya lagi 👊👊👊

Cikgu hada tu bukan baik sangat pun.. cuma baik untuk memperdayakan ustaz!!

Pendek dan padat.. jgn terpedaya ya 👦

Hhaihhh... hhhaihhh... aduhai awk ni.. dan i know i should feel i am such lucky to meet a child like you.. out spoken.. and there is nothing to be scared for.. u r really special to me..

Awk la 1st student cikgu
Y kutuk cikgu depan2
Y kata bodoh kat cikgu
Y tolak cikgu
Y tampar cikgu
Y tendang kaki cikgu
Y jerit kat cikgu tanpa rasa takut
Y lari pusing 1 sekolah
Y ugut cikgu terjun bangunan
Y ugut cikgu nak pecahkan cermin
Dan macam2 yang lagi....betapa yang dan sayang nya cikgu kat awk 😗💓

Dan awkla juga.. bila character awk berubah.. u r the sweetest child, kind hearted and most genius among ur friend... how special u are..

Because you special.. cikgu xpernah boleh sambil lewa.. mood awak akan berubah tidak kira bila dan masa..


Thursday, March 9, 2017

ADHD traits

Staying close with adhd kids somehow make me think that i might have Adhd traits too..

ADHD traits:
Easily getting angry
Easily whine/cranky
Easily bored
Sensitive to sensory
Starring at nowhere
Low self esteem
Forgetful/losing items
Suicide minds/blackmail*need to extra monitor
Hurting themselves and people around
Lack of focussing
Strong will

Those traits is bring out frustrated,annoyed and exhausted for both parties involved.. however, if you know how to turn those traits into positive way.. you seriously will surprise  how good and skills they are..

So.. i can tell myself i can't endure it anymore. I hate myself evenmore when i have to face all those sick environment.. so yesterday is my 4th day crying after a long long time did'nt cried.. i hate that even more.. but a heart felt more relieved.. my eyes did'nt hold any pain of tears.. 

I just want to rest.. and have a long long long rest..


Monday, February 27, 2017

Heal your heart

For those has been hurt.. hopefully you could get fight again..
I hv once lose some1 in a past.. and later another one and one with quite same situation because i hv high ego that anyone can't deny even myself.. i have been hurt twice.. for not give in and for not forgive.. anyone can judge and names me anything. Once i really felt in so much pain.. ignoring is my bestfriend terrible therapy.. and hating people is the best thing to comfort myself back.. this is sure seriously bad attitude.. but.. these are the only thing i can do to fight and survive for mental balancing with bouncy mood.. yet for now...reading some motivational quotes is the other way too heal the heart.. seriously i did not want to hold anything but i just can't.. trying to forget that much only make the memories stronger.. and that will makes the heart keep hating as well.. 
Yes. Im not such a good person.. which can easily's okay.. nope.. not anymore.. and never.. im not wise but would never allowed people to using me..
Sorry..u will hear those when i am really sorry.. for one to thousand wrong... i won't repeat and seek for you to forgive me..u won't see my tears...i did'nt hv empathy and even sympthy when you cry infront of me.. im sorry but i don't hv that heart.. if you see me cry.. then that really breaks me.. and that would be even harder to get me back..
So.. that is all in a past.. today i am even harder.. do not talk about sorry or forgive.. when you don't even know your wrong.. do not repeat your sorry when you still do the next time.. because that is all irritating and annoyed me damn much..
I am too far away from to be better person.. difficult road is keep challenge me..  and if that make my heart heal and stronger.. then i won't mind to have it again over time.


Thursday, February 23, 2017


Kawan. X.

1st.If you are really someone close up to future bride or groom. In any circumtances. U will be invited. Xsalah pun nak invite. Your big day kot.. Either she or he go or not tuu belakang kira la kan.. lain la u is not listed because u r like halimunan. Wujud dan xwujud tu macam xdirasai. Masa perlu tu wujud la kot.. nah gituuu..

2nd. Dah di invite tp xpergi. Kau ni dah kenapa? cubalah pergi dan rapatkan saf. Mana tau jumpa jodoh masa tu..

3rd.kau memang plan baik punya. Nanti kawan kau or X kau kahwin.. kau nak juga attend.. tp tetiba kau punya hal dan masalah y kau xdapat nak elak.. kau punya perasaan bersalah tu nauzubillah.. tambah2 pula kau punya wedding kawan kau datang.. siap jadi AJK lagi. X. wahyu xturun dan kau xdianugerahkan dengan semangat yang kental. Makanya. Kedua2nya past just like that..

4th.kau sebagai kawan or X. Xpayah la nk terasa hati sangat kalau xdijemput. Kau ingat sikit.. kerja kahwin ni bukan macam pergi order KFC dan dah siap makan balik. Jadi kau permudahkanlah dan doakan kebahagiaan mereka dalam diam. Kan suci gtuu.. X.. dia xinvite kau tu mungkin ada 2 sebab.. xnak kau tambah sakit hati atau takut tgh2 bersanding- dia terjatuh cinta balik..haha..

5th.kau sejenis kawan or X yang xpernah xpergi kalau dijemput. Makan free kot.. dan kau punya bad habit nak stay all the time with the bride. Sikit2 ajak selfie. Sampai dalam album kahwin tu muka kau lagi banyak.. X.. hhihi.. kau punya muka lagi banyak dari perantin.. melampau betul..


P/s:Selamat pengantin baru kawan bangladesh saya.. terima kasih masih mengingati saya.. hihihihi..

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Hair boy cut style

Almost a month i use to it with my hair boy cut style.. and i don't know where the courage come when i decided to cut my hair into like that with so many flaws!.. i just want to live different and leave all those hurting memories i had.. i wish to heal all the pain.. i wish to be a new.. time past.. i realize.. cut all the things we had does not mean i could cut all those bad things aside.. because the scars is still remain..even though i still trying to live to the fullest.. on how much i tried to control myself to do not easily hate people and annoying with small matters.. that the most difficult task to do when im still in healing process.. that require me to stay positive all the time..


Maka ya tuhan.. kau tetapkan hatiku.. tunjukkan aku jalan y benar.. dan berikan aku kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat.. perkenankan doaku ini Ya Allah.


Friday, January 27, 2017

Best friend

One day on this weeks, i ask my student to write an essay; MY BESTFRIEND. so i do try to write an essay too. But sadly, the clock run faster than my hands. So i realized, I don't have much friends too. I don't have a best friend.. even if i do, the friend don't think of me as one. So i did'nt wrote anything.

I was thought deeply. what is best friend actually? From childhood to primary to high school to universities to work place. The best friend tittle is always change from time to time. Even if i don't, you do. Even if you don't, i do.

People change. We change from time to time. So those feelings is not going to remain the same. We meet different people. And the different could make us "the bestfriend" closer or even more distant. #whoismybestfriend? #whoisyourbestfriend?

So, those essay would be share next 2 weeks after chinese new year holiday. I wish to wrote an essay about my bestfriend and inspire the kid. I wish the kid appreciate their moments with their friends when they live. Not after the death like i do.


Friday, January 20, 2017

Jual ikan

Yes in certain situation that push me to talk.. i am no longer holding any words i wish to said.. i against everything which everything that i'd said might end up eat me back.. haha.. but one things for sure i felt so good later.. i don't have any not satisfied felt heart.. i let go of what i think.. and the rest is up to them to think of me..

I just so selfish right now that i'm sure this is good for me to release all the kind of unimportant vibes..

Dan sessungguhnya..

hati yang gelap itu terjadi apabila kita dah tidak punya rasai apa-apa.. samada kita yang bersalah atau pun tidak dari kata-kata yang terhasil dari lidah yang tidak bertulang.. mungkin untuk kembali kepada hati yang bersinar-sinar itu makin jauh dan jauh perjalanan dan liku-liku makin mencabar 😗


Monday, January 9, 2017

Tidur dalam kelas

Aku rasa hebat ka dulu..
Aku tidur dalam kelas..
Aku main-main tidak dengar cakap cikgu.
Aku kurang hormat..

Belajar apa kan..
Aku bodoh betul..
Tidak pandai nak hargai..
Atau pembelajaran itu..
Yang sebenarnya membosankan..
Jadi kenapa perkara sama..
Masih berulang-ulang..

Ya Allah berdosanya aku..
Dan aku harus faham..
Kenapa proses pembelajaran dan pemahaman pelajar masih kurang sama..

Kesiannya pada guru-guru..
Lagi kesian pada anak-anak..
Jadi siapa yang bersalah?
Jadi proses yang macamna untuk tarik perhatian anak-anak?

Dan akhirnya.. bagaimana caranya..


Sunday, January 8, 2017

A plane to undefined place

never know how far i can go. Through all the sea. Through all the road. Through all the way.  But one thing for sure, wherever i go. I go with all of my heart.  Whenever i start. I start to hope for the blessing end.
When it is a rains.
Istajibillah Humma Doa's Ana Ya Allah. "please grant all my Doa's, O'Allah".


tears drop like a heavy rain

last night.after more than a year, my eyes is tearing for a small little things. i know this will happening.. when my mood is swinging and i can't to hold my tears anymore. i really hate to cried. but my tears can't help to stop..

when i wake up in the morning, i decided to reconcile. even though i felt so much in anger. and it's works. my mood for the whole day is going just so-so well.. and i felt so much calm later.

by the way, i don't know if this will be the last or later there will run again after me. it's just i hate to cried. it's look like i won't be strong and i stand out to be weak. i hate!

please Allah, i don't know what else i can do in my life. i got the job,  and i'm still greedy for more. why i have to have this kind of feeling. why Allah.. show me the right path Allah. open my heart to you Allah. i'm sick for all those ups and down..


Day 6 | Assembly dan mayat yang masih panas.

Haih.. the most thing i hate during school is assembly.... why? Its waste time and tiring to listen the talk.. but in other situation if something is going to happen during the class later than i wish and hopes that the assembly will be long and long.. heee... such as, did not finish honework.. haha..

Now when i am a teacher.. So again, this is what i don't really like to do.. especially when i is all alone. Auuuu.. too bored... so how can i expect a student to be stay at the same place for the long long time...

Assembly took me to stay and stand out all alone almost 30 minute.. damnnnn....

But anyway.. let me share one story yang telah diceritakan ketika assembly yang boleh menjentikkan hati kita untuk menjadi lebih baik dari hari ini..

Kisahnya, Seorang hamba Allah y berumur 8 tahun.. beliau telah menjadi yatim piatu.. dijaga di pondok sehingga dia dewasa. Bercita2 dlm kehidupan nak jadi imam. Beliau berasal dr kemboja dan datang ke malaysia dan lalu menjadi imam. Ketika menjadi imam lalu beliau mati dalam sujud. Bila beliau mati, dia dibawa kehospital. Keluarga tidak ada. Maka, mayat imam masuk kedalam bilik mayat. Sejuk dan dibekukan. Terpaksa menerima hakikat iitu. Dr sehari sehari sehingga sampai 2 bulan. Ustaz  diberi penghormatan untuk mengambil mayat itu. Bila dibuka laci mayat itu. Dia terkejut bila badan mayat itu disentuh. Badan mayat tersebut panas dan tidak beku.  Kemudian lihat pada dahi.. dahinya berpeluh. Pada saat itu, ustaz mencari siapa kawan baik kepada mayat tersebut. Dan diceritakan dalam hidupnya tidak pernah tinggal sembahyang tasbih.

Semoga didalam hati kita akan terbuka untuk  belajar dan menunaikan solat tasbih..

Thursday, January 5, 2017

5th Day|Mentally down

Tidak tahan sabar.. siapa? She or I?

Ya allah what shall i do? What make me angry? What make me felt so depress? Is that because when the cooker call me as her mother or i have to entertain her sister to toilet? Or my period made my mood is swing and swinging.. or maybe because the other kids that just so naughty and she is sensitive when i wish to make joke.. Just that i felt so depress today.. and so much down!!!! Macam nak resign sekarang juga!!

Yes she is clever.. but she cannot even hold her patience😩 that make me felt so tired.. too tired to holding my own anger.. ya allah.. i have no more patience left.. she is hate difficult task which is actually not difficult and easy to her friends. She love and enjoy doing real difficult task while her friend is crawling to get it right. See how good and clever she is in her own way.. and i have to be more clever than that..

To be rational when she is special kid and i have to be special teacher like her..
*mentally down 😭😭😭


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