Monday, May 7, 2018

The corpse living the world

I said and they said.

People will never understand.
How I wish I had everything.

Voice. Power. Wealth.

Not because I'm not grateful.
But exactly. I just don't own anything.

In my evil mind.

I wish.
I can voice out my feel.

When I really do.
They said I'm rude.
When I keep close my mouth
They said I created something to fight.
When I shut my voice.
They just names all the bad in I.

I wish.
When I'm done.
They hear my word seriously.
They never understand.
That why they play the recorder again.

They said I'm overly sensitive.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm judgemental.
But they forget when they do.

Trustworthy.
When I told something that I can't share with others. And they just play it without loading. You know.  It's the end.

They said I'm grumpy.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm being egoistic.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm sarcastic.
But they forget when they do.

For what I did.
For what I just do.
For what I never do.

Complain. Unsatisfied. Difficult.
Anything that no good is all from i.
And when they do all that.
They just forget. And it's fine.

Yes.

One thing for sure.
The difference between they and I.

Just one.

Forgive and revenge.

For them.
They easily forgive.
Include themselves.
Never take heart.

For I.
You should feel whatever I feel.
You gain whatever I gain.
And I just don't take easy.

And

Things that same.

They and I.
We will never say a sorry.
In whatever circumstances.
Either are wrong or aren't.

And

the disadvantages is all to I who want anyone feel whatever I feel.
Because everything I do is all bad in everyone eyes.

You just never know when you aren't in their shoes.

How's difficult she/he trying to drive his/her life.

In future,  if you have this three:

Voice
Use wisely.

Power
Use fairly.

Money
Divide by part.

And after all. 

Remember how's it feel when you don't own anything.

Later.
If you want to pay back. Either good or back. Remember how it feels.

Go go go ahead
Be be be the best
Go ahead
Be the best

If you want to compete
No compete with other
Compete between you
The inner winner is in you.

You and I,
They and I,
We,
teamoHada

Sunday, May 6, 2018

A bad dream

Crying. 

Last night I got a dream. I don't know it's a bad dream or not but that turn my day into gloomy...

Crying.

I work really hard today.  I make my brain busy but still can't stop thinking that dream..

Crying.

Everything is not going on my control.  I feel really sick again. Like a knife that stab on my chest..

Crying.

They just won't understand.  They saying I'm weak. I'm in the lowest point. And I don't know where I can climb to the peak again.

Why Allah. I hated it.

I don't belong here.

Gloomy,
teamoHada

Saturday, April 14, 2018

I need a break

Long time.  A very long time.
Assalamualaikum and Salam Israk Mikhraj. May Allah guide and bless us in everything we doing. Insyaallah.

Sigh.  It was a long night.  Yesterday and the day before yesterday night. A very long night. I could not close my eyes.  My mind keep talk and talk. I many time to stop in whatever saying in mind. close my ear and eyes. But nothing is working for me even my body don't cooperate. Poorly me. 

What's in mind that keep hunting me to real talk but I just cant.  I'm very sick.  Sick.  Even here I just cannot typing what is that actually. Im tottaly feeling insecure. I don't really not know why.

My life. Nothing good.  I keep doing the same thing. I get easily bored and frustrated by myself. I want something else but I never have a chance. I keep remembering history. I scared a lot. I blamed myself for not being good in past so in present . I never forget the pain I have been through and hateful. I never change. And I kept all by myself. I lies myself.

I want to scream.  I want my voice can be heard.  I want tells everything that give my heart so much pain.  I hate for this. Because I knew people will never understand. They will saying I'm weak.  They will saying I'm stupid.  They will saying I'm ugly not mature enough. Yes yes yes.  I don't. And never move on.

My brain just not working well.  My heart beating so fast. My blood is running not in direction.  My body is getting weak. I'm tired.  Everytime this happened. I never get ease or peace. I got headache. I got toothache.i got stomach ache. I restless. My emotion swing to South to the North to the west to the east.  Keep rounding and bouncing.

I tried so hard to get my mentally balance. I listen positive talk.  I subscribed so many inspired website. I working really hard. I playing a lot.  I go to shopping. I enjoy seeing beach. I talk to people. I cook.  I wash.  I clean. I go travel.  I enjoy food.  But this is not even last for an hour. After I finished my task. That sick coming back. Allah.  I want to ask why. Why I can't even afford to face a small test when you give a big big test to others. Please Allah.  Forgive me. For being this weak.

Love,
teamoHada

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Calm down yoga

Calm down yoga. Not only for kids but for you who need the most calmness. Kid come and ask everyday;

Teacher how many days school left.  Ask the same question and answered the same answers.

So. No only the kids.  The teacher too,everyday count the day that past by.  Everyday hope the day goes fast. Flow smooth. 

Nothing interesting that blow the hair naturally.  It's just the wind from hair dryer. That forcing to dry. Exhausted.

Love,
teamoHada

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