Sunday, September 23, 2018


I can list one for now

If you stress, when you hungry you go to eat and you eat.
If you depress, when you hungry you don't go to eat and you don't eat.

Now.  I really hungry. I eat 1 and half roti canai during breakfast, 2 keropok in evening dan mungkin half choc bread after finish the event. Now at 12 midnight I really really feel hungry.

At least I got food to ate.  Why not thankful?

I delivered my task today. Not so great but I just done. I'm not proud myself. In crowded people at least 100 ++ people there I feel so alone and lonely.

Once upon a time I don't remember when exact year ago.  I wish to hold a mic. I thought she/he is so cool. Everyone have an eyes for her/him. But when my wish I think came true. I just not so proud of myself. I thought of what people think of me.  And this is ridiculous. Why the thought mess my mind?

Why I am so not thankful? 

Always take things take people for granted.

And I hungry and go to eat something.

H for me  H for hungry

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Tiny support

I didn't ask for free. I want to borrow and I will paid back later.  How do I pay is depend on myself.

What if I don't buy what I want to buy. I still borrow what is your. Even more I have to heard your complaint and excuses.

One said:

Did ever I cannot use what not belong to I? Yes you you sometime give an excuses. And really hard to say yes.  Golden ring in your mouth. You not put your on my shoes. You're saying that what I want is not that much important meanwhile i stay can used what and when I needed always. You said that I want what I want in urgently without thinking deeper. Do you think if long ago, you got what I don't own like for now. You can use them?  No.  And dream on! With the difference journey and time. Hey!  I think you just forgot your own feel after you own what you want!  And please why you must  to compare for what you don't have after now with what I have right now that not belong to mine with you got long ago and it's yours.  Don't confuse with the past and future. Which I need a tiny support and you gave me irritated comment.

Again I'm not asked for free. And please I just cannot hold anymore. Yes I feel thank for all the while you you or any you gave me but to feel thank after sometime with irritated feeling I just cannot. Yes I'm sensitive and so what?  Yes I'm spoiled and so what? Yes I just need tiny support which I really want what I want just now.

Crying 😭
Daddy I'm sorry made you worried again.
I tried my best to do not but you push me and act like not thankful child.

So it's month with okay and not okay. Makin tua makin tak malu. 😭


Monday, September 3, 2018

A little brighter day

Bismillah and Alhamdulillah.

Today I feel more better. Through ups and down my emotion journey is just really tough. I know I need to help myself through the adventure itself.

From home to work to self. It's all turning around 390 degree. Not a day or 2 day. But every second I breathe. Sangat sesak dengupan jantung seperti jatuh dari bangunan yang tinggi dan ditikam menggunakan senjata tajam. Very pain.

I sleep early switch off light early and like to stay in the dark.  Light gave me pain. Headache and anxious. And during I sleep I walk. My brain still processing. With one after another dream. And when in the morning. The dream keep disturbing my days. Suffocate.

Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.

If I am in pain. Please Allah let be only me. If I'm in hurt with human word please reward me with sabar. And turn me someone better than they and I think of me.

O'Allah guide me with light path. Guide me to my ambition. Guide me to be what I want to be and what I want to have. Help me Allah. 

Ya Rahman.  Give me your love. Please let me feel your love.. I want your love.

Ya Rahim. Kasihi aku. Jangan sisihkan Aku ya Allah. Jika suatu hari aku hilang dalam kasih sayang manusia itu mungkin lebih baik dari kehilangan rasa kasih dari mu Ya Allah. Tuhanku. Penciptaku.

Jangan tinggalkanku Tuhan


Sunday, August 26, 2018

Ugly | fat, acne and scars

People just really forget that they also can become like the one they don't like. Without showing any regrets,  then they saying ugly things. They forgot that everything they said can actually came back to them.  Toing2 melantun balik.

What is ugly?  It would be never ending list. We can't deny. When it was ugly than it was.  People perspective view. However here is the biggest challenge in life with the struggle that need to face. Especially women.

Problem with body parts. Some people struggling with this since they are young.  Getting fat was not their choice. They don't eat a lot. But when they eat,  there will come with voice who said something like : you'r still eating?  Like so what? When they eat a very little. These people said they are on diet. Bla bla bla.  And more with another voice who will said you never lost fat. What the hell is their thought is? these people don't like your perspective of beauty and please watch your mouth when they are still nice. And there is also people who tried being nice when they (fat people) actually ask for their view. Like still want to deny. No no. You are not fat.  And plus minus telling they are the one who having obesity. Meanwhile they actually not at all. What the heck is their thought? Telling a truth is helping them to see their flaws.  But when you do body shaming that would be the real ugliest of you.

Secondly is having acne and scars on face. Beauty is flawless in physical. Thing that is real.  We can see.  We can touch and feel it.  Both men and women first falling in love is from the face. That Aura Will attract them to know more about the person. But when you don't pretty and more with scars and acne.  The possibility to attract people will lower. Then the struggle will join you to fight the challenge the person is facing. 

This world will be more scary with so many witch.  Cursing and not saying nicer things. Perspective of beauty. I Hope people grow up.  Saying nice things to people.  If they don't see nothing.  Then be quiet.

I shared the screenshot I read it from fatimah aunt and hope you and I will learn from it.

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