Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A lot of fight left in me

from a teacher to a 'cikgu'... attend meeting persatuan puteri islam then got a nm called as 'ustazah'... i never dream to be called as this tittle.. never.. but after go through... this was a fun.. this was great and is still great.. surrounding by good people surrounding by sweet honey bunch of child.. im the teacher and im the learner too..
yet in this mind still do not know.. still 50 50 to what to do later.. still want to believe this is the journey... but i know... after all those kind of crap thinking... the journey still long way to go because the real dream yet not to come..
because the dream.. a lot of fight still left in me.. i did't care if nobody else believe in me.. cause i need to believing my believe more than anything else...


Dear mom

Mom.. i know that i still can't repay your jasa.. i know that i am still do not have nothing.. mom but deep to my heart i am scared that i will forget.. the love u give.. i am afraid if i forget who i am came from.  mom.. u r not like anyone else mom.. u r the only mom the way you..  the only mom that sometime very sensitive.. the only mom that does not show the love from words.. mom i am learning to express love by words.. saying love you to just anyone else just so easy but for you it was too heavy.. but deep i really love you mom.. i was thank for the birth.. mom.. since i was young in primary till today... i do always scared if i am losing you.. always in and out from hospital.. and the way you make me more uneasy.. i know that this daughter somehow don't call you to ask u.. have u ate? Are u feeling ok? Are you well diet? I wish too.. but the way u treat me was different from anyone else mother.. but then.. that does not mean you don't care or i don't care.. i always pray you will be fine.. but somehow in this mind.  I want to make trust that you are just always fine.. mom... you don't express the words of love but deep in your heart.. i know that u just have an infinity love.. the jeopardize love that you gave will brings us joy and the happiness.. mom.. i miss you. And i love you..

Everyday is your day.. i heart you dear mom


Sunday, May 3, 2015

Not anymore

Aku since dulu.. sgt mudah terluka.. terkecil hati.. sometime i show it.. sometime i cover it.. but these day were not like the old days.. bila hati terguris dan aku kata benci.. obviously my face my action give at all..

Aku sensitif.. betul.. aku juga pemarah.. betul.. dan untuk membiarkan manusia memijak mijak hati aku... tidak sekali mungkin aku biarkan.. dulu.. mungkin aku fikir effect sebelum kata2 aku katakan.. perbuatan aku.. namun untuk membiarkan rasa itu berlalu pergi dan mencarikkan hati.. itu tidak mungkin berlaku lagi..

Hati aku mungkin bakal keras.. aku mungkin menjerit bagai hilang akal.. dengan kata lain.. aku mungkin biadap.. dan kebiadapan aku mungkin ia bermula dr kebiadapan kau wahai manusia.. sekali aku kata benci.. berkali kali kau perlu mengelak.. usah kau konon berbuat baik.. kerana hati aku sudah membenci..

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what degrades me or hurts me.

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate.

I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise.

I no longer hv a heart..


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