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Friday, April 17, 2020

Mother do you see me?

Hi. Meet again. It's because something yang menganggu hati ini.. Akal ini..jiwa ini.. Adakah aku redha? Adakah aku rebel.. Why it has to be like this.. 

Allah is loved.. Allah is the greater.. Allah is the creater.. He can give us live and can take our breath.. I know... But why is it hard.. To let it go..  

How are you mother? Are you sad when I'm behaving like this? I wish you are not scared.. You are treated like a queen.. You feel love... You can have everything you wish.. Mother.. Are you seeing me here? Up down nowhere to go.. Everything is hard and tough.. I know if you are around I don't share this with you..  But things is not in my control.. I can't believe you are not around anymore.. And I can't even know you see me.. And worst part I scared you are sad when seeing how bad your daughter is... Mother.. I want to be better.. For you... So you can proud and say yes that's my daughter! But day by days I'm getting worst..  I forgot how blessings my life is.. I had hatred.. I get sick of bullshit then I give everyone middle finger... I currently curse a lot... I hate and sometimes I feel want to just kill everyone who cross the limit... Mother.. Do you see me?  How I control myself? How I told myself? How strugglling myself to calm me down... They just don't know... And I don't know if you see this mother... 

Do not be sad..  You are not wrong.. I'm the one who don't care of myself.. I will take care of myself.. No matter how cruel it is.. No matter how great my day is.. I will take care of my own way..  If you see.. Please pray for my safe.. 

Wherethewill
tH



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