Happy birthday post 2019

Here we go..

Bismillah.. Thank you Allah for these breath..

So today is my birthday. Another year has past.. Not so much different from last year.. Last 2 year.. Last 3 year.. I am just growing those age..

How i is missing during childhood.. Wishing to go back to those age.. Wishing to give all of the love.. Attention.. Kiss and hug.. Oh no.. If just i can hug those little girl..

Present i shall love myself.. Because we never know what the future look like.. Do i still wish to look back my old time at this age? Oh no... I must to love myself.. I know.. It's look like putting myself first sound gross.. But that is how i fulfill all of my needs.. Not like i sitting of doing anything.. Cross my leg and colors my nails but i'm putting of my oxygen mask first.. I could not pour with an empty glass.. I need to fullfill mine.. Then i can share with..

I am teaching myself.. To dearly love myself.. Putting away other view of me.. I know how myself struggling setting and to maintain the clear boundaries and give up my self for the needs of others.. How pitiful of my self..

I need to stop of all these ignorance.. I shall love me.. Dearly me.. I know i am heading full steam towards burn out.. Do you know how seriously the situation is.. Yes i do.. And i should enough of this things..

So.. For this birthday.. Thank you for myself.. For staying with me.. For stay stronger and survive.. For pampared.. For spoil brat.. For all of emotion i had treasure with.. Thank you.. I know how hard myself have been.. And i know how strong myself trying to survive.. I acknowledge of how myself want to be better.. And i understand for every pain and hurt.. Thank you.. For staying with me..

This thank is gonna be long.. But it was enough with a thank you for those who celebrated with.. Give me surprise.. Sing me a song.. Giving a present.. Buying food..and wish me a simple yet a meaningful word HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. thank you.. You know who you are..

I dont know if i could write again next year happy birthday post..  So i want to end of this post with a big THANK YOU..

Love,
teamoHada

Where those puzzle begin.

Hi..

I came to write again.. After many things happen.. I lost into the puzzle.. What do i do in life.. Allahu..

Daddy got into an accident. I will go further in another post..

Now is about myself.. I don't really know where to go.. How far i shall hold myself.. I don't have brave to get out from this comfort.. I am complaining and have been complain by others. I get hurt and i hurt it back.. Now i think my wish came true.. But do i happy? Is that what i want? deep in my heart.. I feel its wrong.. Obviously should never happened.. Im scared of what would be in the end of in the hereafter.. Do i gonna be a long waiting list to the other who like count all my wrong.. To hold me to go to heaven.. Or do i need to wait anyone and stop those people to go there.. Who are they? When its happened? What is that hurt? Which crazy story turn out angry.. All those things really turn out me to be someone else that is not me at outside..

What doa' s is the best for us.. That do not hurt by the people.. That gonna made us stronger.. Invisible.. That won't revenge.. That not hv bad thought.. That really forget.. That really forgive.. That turn out us to be kind.. In heart.. In voice.. In act.. In eyes.. That close all those evil doors.. And opened it all heaven doors..

O' Allah..

Do you still love me?

And i don't either know i deserve to seek for your love..

What will be.. Will be..

tH