Im deep thinking..
I founds that parents who got child problem lagi sukar terima kenyataan daripada mencuba untuk find solution.. kadang-kadang they more to do not think and cakap xpe and act like nothing serious will happen.. eventhough they relived it was not normal as a child.. but they still want to believed that nothing serious will happen to their child. To compare with "mat or minah salleh".. they will checked their child achievement constantly and keep seeking a solution.. i feel sad that i thought the children was left behind without they even know how to solve their own matters.. but at the end they are the one who feel the loses.. inferior.. not motivated.. because the one's they need was a supporter that can understand they well.. not a personel judge with a clink eyes or a group of judge that complain them..
Today im over sinner.. my another character came up.. like im seeing another me with a cruel of eyes.. im a hater but im not such a damn haters that really crazy with a bad preadult look with a cruel temper.. should i call as adult temper? what i believe was im all alright but actually im the one who need to seek a help.. this is the last that i wont busy body with this child life.. im a failure that i could not use anything what i had learn through this child.. this was third time being over if im not mistaken.. and there should never be for another time.. it is time for reflection..
I told my self do not angry.. i told myself being cool.. i told my self do not being over.. i told my self she is a child that she dont even undertand herself well.. but at the end i had failed with holding "batang penyapu" and chase her like a crazy person. Still trying to be cool but she act overly like she was being kicked and abused by me.. she scream and i do scream like crazy then i had failed for millions times as "perempuan melayu terakhir" and holding the best "takhta" for bad aunt... the drama still not over when my sister back home with kfc bucket which asking her to eat.. and she said dont want.. like in 2 minutes later came with a plate and sauce.. eating enjoyfully dancing stomach after being "konon-konon" like an abusing child to everyone.. boleh pula funly talk to her uncle that i hv been "katok(kelantanes)" her with "batang penyapu" .. what the rubbish talk she had? And the drama "katok" was end up to come really happened! I took a small cushion and go to her and "katok sungguh sungguh" like tomorrow never die.. what the hell the power of madness!!
This niece is 12 y/o.. my brother daughter.. today seem will be the last talk between us.. its over pressure my level.. i could never think i can handle her which sometime i think i can to try understand her and find out solution.. i believe this niece need a guidance.. not a parents, aunt or uncle even not gm or gd.. this all will not working.. cause she wont be listen.. she will act in different character in different situation.. she is need a personnal guidance.. a motivator which were not a family and she need outside people.. she need to sharing.. she need to find her ability that she could not find herself.. she need a guidance who can give her tips and understand her way to bring out the speciality inside her.. a motivator who can share pro and con to her parents and will together help her in her way..
Somehow i was thinking that i might be like her back then.. and im afraid in future she will be lacking the same thing as what i hv been through in hiding.. when i was twelve, i hv been feel to run from home.. but i just could not remember the reason and the feel as a dissapointed child.. what is child mind exactly? Even now.. i feel want to go out and far from home after what had halppened.. it was not only home.. but if anything came up the feeling a tantrum child.. to go somewhre from the place she lives will grow bigger... is there no taught of love? Of course is there but when a problem came.. the same things will again happening to this child. Her mind still want to run even before she got thousand tank of loves.. it will again spread the love all over the space and break into pieces.. why is it so? Because the person is lacking and do not know how to handle the love.. she is might be jumping from her stage during child that no one aware... i had discover about this after seeing my niece.. i had never changed.. and im afraid that my niece gonna be worst than myself..
During my twelve..I also do not really good in academic but what i remember from the past.. im a diary person.. im good writer back then.. its just stop when my diary is been play and reading aloud.. but it was continuous and i will find a place to hiding the diary.. also i love reading and love book.. my mathmatics skills was also not bad.. eventhough i dont hv drawing skills but i still hv art skill which i love play with colours.. yess im bad with sports but im active school competetion like public speaking, and nasyid...
I keep comparing then which part is the same? Then i found..is is feel.. the each child feel is different in different child.. so in times, when she is the topic then i wish someone will came to help her.. to discover her skills.. back then.. no one's tell im good in this or that.. because no one was aware.. mybe because im lacking than the lacking is stop the eyes to find the quality..there she was.. the more people found the lacking she had the more she will be far..
Deep thinking about what had happen yesterday..this niece is lacking so many things that i should not said.. the academic,cognitive, craft, sport, art, there are nothing she was interested.. being positive about her at this time was not alright.. lazy, tantrums,fast changing personality and character in between mood.. i dont understand why its happened.. how is she was too fast in changing mood like anything happen in 2 minute before was nothing in 2 second.. she was easily forgetten.. and randomly talk like rubbish during crying and overly express her feeling.. is this normal to 12 y/o? And then i had giving her another bad memories... while i forgetten to concerning about the child feel..
For now.. i m going to stop.. and cooling down myself.. stop being busy body aunt that she said wont forgive me forever like always.. i laugh.. child pray and she is "anak syurga" that i need to stop playing hard.. because in or if anything happened the adult was still wrong.. the bad things happens to child only happens to a lacking adults.... yess.. today im a failure.. but in a while.. i pray she will learning if not taday then later in future.. im not going to busy body with her life.. cause i know im still lacking and hv a dreams that dream yet far to come cause im improving my self to be better....
Just my 2cents.. parents lg nmpk risau anak y dah betul2 sakit compare then make constantly check up their child achievement and prevent the child from having any problem.. this is Malaysia..
Love,
teamoHada
