Day 31: seriously not fun

Bismillah..

Hmm.. this was my 3rd day that i did not found any joy inside of this heart.. i could not help.. i tried my best ..

I hate this kind of feeling.. i want to spread 100 days positive attitude.. words.. action.. but i could not help.. this kind of thought keep hunting me here.. there and there.. i could not help my own self.. crying now..

Hey.. what is wrong inside of my heart.. why i am just so weak.. why i am just too weak.. i could not do anything.. i could not be someone proud.. no.. i dont mind about the other.. but i would like to make my self proud.. this is the only thing i want.. i just could not help my self..

I feel so much weak when listening to those cruel words.. i feel so much weak that can killed me that time.. and i do feel like want to kick the cruel words to the sky.. yess.. i hate that much..

Today.. i had listened so much crazy and the cruel word.. even those not mentioned to me but i feel that much hurt..much pain.. even i did not have any spirit to do anything.. i doa that time that karma will belong to those people..and what make i hate people only when i heard those kind of words.. those kind of cruel words.. yess even if just for kidding.. i could not afford to be keep cool and calm..

I feel damn sad to the little kid to be called like that.. very rude.. might they not understand but they might know.. hey.. they just so young!! I want to scream out loud! They might hv some misbehaviour but dont called something could break their speciality..

If we are just living from what we hv living before..than nothing can change.. what is all for study and learning... can we just take all the positiveness?..

Today..I did not really want to look down.. just because some of those matter and some more.. i dont really wish.. just take the lesson from what is happening.. just another 2months..please.. help me Allah..  give the joy to me.. so the joy that i had will be spread all to others.. especially to those little kids.. my sunshine.. let me be their wings.. their joy.. their eyes.. their hand.. so i could comfort those feeling that were not alright.. please help me Allah.. keep me believing...

Love,

teamoHada

Day 26: try to be more understand

Bismillah..

Pejam celik pejam celik dah hampir sebulan internship kat tempat ni.. dan tempoh sebulan ni belum cukup buat those children to become close to me.. yes i do.. i try so hard to win their heart but unfortunately.. just few of them.. another 2 month coming.. yet.. no observation from college.. yet.. i still need to be genius in the making of different and new activity with them..

About those boy.. Alhamdullillah he was more better now.. the same goes to the girl..but still there are a day he look moody.. do not want to talk and crying..

Today and yesterday.. i do feel some kind of boring.. i thought the child feel the same.. i did not enjoy my activity that i had create.. i could not see their smile or laugh much happier..  what my expectation to 2 to 3 years old.. but HEY! they are all just a toddlers... kemmon !

Tomorrow planning for my teaching plan.. what kind of activity.. i don't want and don't like repeat the same technique.. the same activity.. i want different.. i want new.. please give me some idea.. that those children will be knowledgeable..fun.. happy..

Good night

Love,

teamoHada