A little brighter day

Bismillah and Alhamdulillah.

Today I feel more better. Through ups and down my emotion journey is just really tough. I know I need to help myself through the adventure itself.

From home to work to self. It's all turning around 390 degree. Not a day or 2 day. But every second I breathe. Sangat sesak dengupan jantung seperti jatuh dari bangunan yang tinggi dan ditikam menggunakan senjata tajam. Very pain.

I sleep early switch off light early and like to stay in the dark.  Light gave me pain. Headache and anxious. And during I sleep I walk. My brain still processing. With one after another dream. And when in the morning. The dream keep disturbing my days. Suffocate.

Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.

If I am in pain. Please Allah let be only me. If I'm in hurt with human word please reward me with sabar. And turn me someone better than they and I think of me.

O'Allah guide me with light path. Guide me to my ambition. Guide me to be what I want to be and what I want to have. Help me Allah. 

Ya Rahman.  Give me your love. Please let me feel your love.. I want your love.

Ya Rahim. Kasihi aku. Jangan sisihkan Aku ya Allah. Jika suatu hari aku hilang dalam kasih sayang manusia itu mungkin lebih baik dari kehilangan rasa kasih dari mu Ya Allah. Tuhanku. Penciptaku.

Jangan tinggalkanku Tuhan

Anxious,
tH

Ugly | fat, acne and scars

People just really forget that they also can become like the one they don't like. Without showing any regrets,  then they saying ugly things. They forgot that everything they said can actually came back to them.  Toing2 melantun balik.

What is ugly?  It would be never ending list. We can't deny. When it was ugly than it was.  People perspective view. However here is the biggest challenge in life with the struggle that need to face. Especially women.

Problem with body parts. Some people struggling with this since they are young.  Getting fat was not their choice. They don't eat a lot. But when they eat,  there will come with voice who said something like : you'r still eating?  Like so what? When they eat a very little. These people said they are on diet. Bla bla bla.  And more with another voice who will said you never lost fat. What the hell is their thought is? these people don't like your perspective of beauty and please watch your mouth when they are still nice. And there is also people who tried being nice when they (fat people) actually ask for their view. Like still want to deny. No no. You are not fat.  And plus minus telling they are the one who having obesity. Meanwhile they actually not at all. What the heck is their thought? Telling a truth is helping them to see their flaws.  But when you do body shaming that would be the real ugliest of you.

Secondly is having acne and scars on face. Beauty is flawless in physical. Thing that is real.  We can see.  We can touch and feel it.  Both men and women first falling in love is from the face. That Aura Will attract them to know more about the person. But when you don't pretty and more with scars and acne.  The possibility to attract people will lower. Then the struggle will join you to fight the challenge the person is facing. 

This world will be more scary with so many witch.  Cursing and not saying nicer things. Perspective of beauty. I Hope people grow up.  Saying nice things to people.  If they don't see nothing.  Then be quiet.

I shared the screenshot I read it from fatimah aunt and hope you and I will learn from it.

Love, 

tH

Regrets

Bismillah.

Am not good in a person.  But to be better is always the things that I want to achieve for now. And I failed. Not once. It's all over and keep turning around.  Can't you imagined how is my head doing and half half brain.  No place to stay and keep wondering. Nowhere to go until it's beating hard my heart. Yes it never can be easy or simple but surely will getting more complicated if I don't entertain myself. I know the chance of the changing and charging the positivity is  high.  Or maybe over the temperature. And I can't myself remain in the environment.

A regret feeling would never have an ending. Even if you want too.  Not to deny but to learn to pass.

I want to go away.  Far and far.  From this hectic life but actually my hectic brain.  I want to end this movie. I don't want another episode after another. It's tiring and pain in pain.

These feelings somehow eating me alive when I cannot feel my own feelings. Sometimes it's showing but more to hiding.  And empty.

Half,
teamoHada

Body tracing activity

In the month of August we talk and discuss  how the different parts of our body work. We also do work book and watching video that led to discussions about body functions, self-image and our images of others. 

Each child had the chance to trace a friend body.  The result was a great lesson in teamwork and pride in their artwork. We put a label of the body and we talk about the do and don't. We also sing a song about body. 

Body tracing is an activity that encourages talking, turn-taking and co-operating. Your child can practice important social skills when he works with another person to trace, provide a wonderful opportunity to reinforce positive messages about body image and help your child feel comfortable with his body and all the amazing things it can do.

After all.  Body tracing is fun activity to do with children.  

What you need:

Paper

Pencil color/crayon or marker

A child body to trace

If you have done do this activity, mind to share your lesson from the activity.

Here is the photo taken from the activity.

Love, 

tH

Am I wake up in someone else dream

Mulakan dengan bismillah..

My yesterday routine

1. I sleep late. In between 2/3 am something
2. I woke up early in the morning and go to work.
3. In lunch. Come back home and watching movie till evening.
4. Evening.  Went to mall. 
5. Night.  Make science experiment with little pill.

I didn't day sleep.

But still I cannot sleep earlier during night. Right Now is 3am.

Yes.  I'm mentally tired.  Feel itchy headache. But my mind still talking and eyes still bright.. Seriously is exhausting.

And tomorrow is working.
Sigh.

Am I wake up in someone else dream?

Please stop dream me. Find me. And meet me.

Mind talking,
teamoHada

Give up

Salam.

As usual.  Still late sleep.  Walaupun dah menguap berpuluh Kali.

Give up. Hmm. My coworker ask me today.  Have you ever felt give up? Look like I'm questioning myself and answered myself.  This word keep getting twisted in my head. 

I give up but I have to raise my chin.
I give up but my head can't look down.
I give up but I have to open my eyes.
I give up but I my hearing kept sending the message.
I give up but I have my voice.
I give up but I can't close my nose.
I give up but my hands need to walk together with my legs.
I give up but my stomach always need to fill up.
I give up but my brain always working harder.
I give up but my breathing still need the air.
I give up but I have to have brush my teeth.
I give up I need to care my personal hygiene.
I give up but I need to stand up.

Yes.  I do have this.  Often.  But I cannot stand to taste my give up than to fill up all my BUT. 

I'm not good in waiting.  But I'm better in turning my mind about the reward after. So then. I take my breath slowly and hold and hold.  Even though I can feel the burning inside all my body.

Yes.  I do give up.  Yesterday. And now. Let's us fight this energy. Let turn into positive.

P/S: if you own any tips to share.  Let's me know. 

Love,
teamohada

After a while. Stain still there.

Hi
We meet again dearly diary .

Assalamualaikum.
To start with Salam so I don't spend a waste rubbish word here.  Even though I really need to vomit all bad word. I just don't want to do for now. My feelings is exhausting, messy no jolly mood.  And it's killing me slowly. I have read somewhere but I forgot where and when.

If you love to write then write " a nice things so you will remember how happy you are in the past"

I somewhat agree with the statement. But  you have no loss when you wrote your flaws. You will see your immature part or might see how strong you have been to get through your past. Isn't?  Hmm.

No more word to share.  Just to share last 5 days ago I cried. I don't know is it for good or nothing good. And tonight I cannot sleep earlier . That thought came back after a while.

Oh Allah.  Please don't take me away from you.  Oh Allah...

Love
teamoHada

The corpse living the world

I said and they said.

People will never understand.
How I wish I had everything.

Voice. Power. Wealth.

Not because I'm not grateful.
But exactly. I just don't own anything.

In my evil mind.

I wish.
I can voice out my feel.

When I really do.
They said I'm rude.
When I keep close my mouth
They said I created something to fight.
When I shut my voice.
They just names all the bad in I.

I wish.
When I'm done.
They hear my word seriously.
They never understand.
That why they play the recorder again.

They said I'm overly sensitive.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm judgemental.
But they forget when they do.

Trustworthy.
When I told something that I can't share with others. And they just play it without loading. You know.  It's the end.

They said I'm grumpy.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm being egoistic.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm sarcastic.
But they forget when they do.

For what I did.
For what I just do.
For what I never do.

Complain. Unsatisfied. Difficult.
Anything that no good is all from i.
And when they do all that.
They just forget. And it's fine.

Yes.

One thing for sure.
The difference between they and I.

Just one.

Forgive and revenge.

For them.
They easily forgive.
Include themselves.
Never take heart.

For I.
You should feel whatever I feel.
You gain whatever I gain.
And I just don't take easy.

And

Things that same.

They and I.
We will never say a sorry.
In whatever circumstances.
Either are wrong or aren't.

And

the disadvantages is all to I who want anyone feel whatever I feel.
Because everything I do is all bad in everyone eyes.

You just never know when you aren't in their shoes.

How's difficult she/he trying to drive his/her life.

In future,  if you have this three:

Voice
Use wisely.

Power
Use fairly.

Money
Divide by part.

And after all. 

Remember how's it feel when you don't own anything.

Later.
If you want to pay back. Either good or back. Remember how it feels.

Go go go ahead
Be be be the best
Go ahead
Be the best

If you want to compete
No compete with other
Compete between you
The inner winner is in you.

You and I,
They and I,
We,
teamoHada

A bad dream

Crying. 

Last night I got a dream. I don't know it's a bad dream or not but that turn my day into gloomy...

Crying.

I work really hard today.  I make my brain busy but still can't stop thinking that dream..

Crying.

Everything is not going on my control.  I feel really sick again. Like a knife that stab on my chest..

Crying.

They just won't understand.  They saying I'm weak. I'm in the lowest point. And I don't know where I can climb to the peak again.

Why Allah. I hated it.

I don't belong here.

Gloomy,
teamoHada

I need a break

Long time.  A very long time.
Assalamualaikum and Salam Israk Mikhraj. May Allah guide and bless us in everything we doing. Insyaallah.

Sigh.  It was a long night.  Yesterday and the day before yesterday night. A very long night. I could not close my eyes.  My mind keep talk and talk. I many time to stop in whatever saying in mind. close my ear and eyes. But nothing is working for me even my body don't cooperate. Poorly me. 

What's in mind that keep hunting me to real talk but I just cant.  I'm very sick.  Sick.  Even here I just cannot typing what is that actually. Im tottaly feeling insecure. I don't really not know why.

My life. Nothing good.  I keep doing the same thing. I get easily bored and frustrated by myself. I want something else but I never have a chance. I keep remembering history. I scared a lot. I blamed myself for not being good in past so in present . I never forget the pain I have been through and hateful. I never change. And I kept all by myself. I lies myself.

I want to scream.  I want my voice can be heard.  I want tells everything that give my heart so much pain.  I hate for this. Because I knew people will never understand. They will saying I'm weak.  They will saying I'm stupid.  They will saying I'm ugly not mature enough. Yes yes yes.  I don't. And never move on.

My brain just not working well.  My heart beating so fast. My blood is running not in direction.  My body is getting weak. I'm tired.  Everytime this happened. I never get ease or peace. I got headache. I got toothache.i got stomach ache. I restless. My emotion swing to South to the North to the west to the east.  Keep rounding and bouncing.

I tried so hard to get my mentally balance. I listen positive talk.  I subscribed so many inspired website. I working really hard. I playing a lot.  I go to shopping. I enjoy seeing beach. I talk to people. I cook.  I wash.  I clean. I go travel.  I enjoy food.  But this is not even last for an hour. After I finished my task. That sick coming back. Allah.  I want to ask why. Why I can't even afford to face a small test when you give a big big test to others. Please Allah.  Forgive me. For being this weak.

Love,
teamoHada

Ketenangan yang didamba

Kosong.
Mula resah. Bangun baring bangun lagi dan baring.

Resah.
Mata terkelip kelip. Tidak ingin tutup. Tiada tanda-tanda mahu tidur.

Tenang.
Hati tidurlah hati. Berehat dari rasa pelbagai. Otak juga penat.

Love,
teamoHada

Happy Daddy Day..Only you

Happy dad month.. i love u so much and i scared and surely don't know what will happen to me if i lost you too.. my life is only to you for now and for my last breath.. insyaallah..even if i know i quite against you.. i quite tantrum.. quite ignorant.. but most of all that.. i really really really love you..

i really soory for a misbehave.. that a young adult should not do.. i really sorry for not being matured enough at this age.. i really sory for yet can't satisfied you even myself with secure future..

dad.. for the time you spending worry about me.. forgive me.. for the time you have to give in.. forgive me.. for the time you have to slow down your voice.. forgive me..

I becoming better person each day..through what i do believe.. i'm going  and i promise.. to be better muslimat and solehah to you and our family.

Ya Allah semoga pengakiran hidupku adalah di Syurga mu dan begitu juga untuk kesayangan kesayanganku. Aamiin..

Love,
teamoHada

tahu apa yang paling sakit di dunia

Most every week.. there is a day never fail to make me felt soooo wanted to cry.. and cried 😭

Why...

Tiada daya yang tiada kekuatan.. melainkan dengan izinnya.. Ya Allah yang maha tinggi lagi maha tinggi..

Lahaulawalaquwataillahbillah..

Lahaulawalaquwataillahbillah..

Lahaulawalaquwataillahbillah..

Dan sakit yang paling sakit didunia.. sakit menanggung Rindu..

teamoHada

Regret or don't

Insyaallah i wont regret with my decission..

Not because of i give up with challenge but an opportunity to grow i don't have..

A power to take challenge as i dont have too.. i dont have any rights to punish who did wrong and just have right to follow the flow..

Experience the environment that i had never been experience is a bless but staying in the same position with challenge or no challenge is sick mentally and physically..

teamohada

Why you cannot sleep

1.55am

My eyes still bigger and opens..
Maybe i wake up in someone else dream..
And when i sleep.. someone else in my dream.. will it happen again.. tonight..

Hmm..

Fact said;
When you can't sleep.. it's because you have lots of thought.. your eyes cannot close when your brain is still working..

yeayhh..

it's true... my brain is tottally hard working right now.. macam buruh paksa.. ada orang kerdil tengah bekerja dalam otak..

Some said,
You cannot sleep because there is something yet did not finish..

Hmm..
Even when i can't sleep could turn me headache.. it's too painful 😳

And i tried.. to close my eyes.. to dreams something nice.. yet did'nt working..

I just hate.. i just love.. i just miss.. it's all make a round like marygoround.. up down side to side.. 🎡.. yet did not ends well..

teamoHada

How is tears react in human brain

Everything is so stressfull.. sampai sakit kepala dan rasa nak hentak kat dinding..

Im tired.. seriously tired... bila xmenangis.. paksa diri ni paksa juga suruh menangis.. tp x tak keluar air mata.. tp bila xpaksa.. berciciran air mata.. kededek dek dek... kenapa... kenapa perlu menangis pada sesuatu yang xperlu untuk menangis.. kenapa menangis.. pada sesuatu yang dah berlaku dan memang tidak akan balik.. kenapa menangis? Kenapa perlu menangis sampai rasa sakit sakit anak tekak.. kenapa? Kenapa bila dah menangis.. tapi kenapa xinsaf insaf... penat... penat fikir
macam2 perkara...

Bila sampai waktu tu.. aku penat tuhan.. penat diuji hal yang sama.. berulang ulang.. sedangkan ujian yang kau berikan itu adalah hal yang paling ringan tp kenapa ia rasa begitu sukar untukku.. kenapa tuhan..

Diuji tuhan akan hal yang paling ringan.. tp sudah berkali kali aku persoalkan.. aku tidak dapat membayangkan jika di uji akan hal yang lebih berat.. Tuhan.. engkau maha pencipta.. maha berkuasa. Maha penyayang. Maha pemberi rezeki.. Maha adil maha bijaksana.. bantulah aku.. tunjjukkan ku jalan tuhan..  dan jadikan aku hambamu yang berpegang teguh pada Islam.. mencintai islam melebihi aku menyanyangi aku..

ampuni aku.. aku insan maha lemah.

teamoHada

Mimpi di kejar lebah

Semalam.. bangun babgun dari tidur.. terus rasa penat... penat sebab larang dari kawanku main2 depan sarang lebah.. dan kedua penat.. sebab lari kena kejar dengan lebah.. dan lagi penat bila cuba linfung kawan dari disengat lebah dan akhirnya aku yang kena...

Penat.. penat.. hidup penuh dengan cabaran.. mimpi pun sama penat berlari dan berkejaran..huhuhu

Perokok bodoh

Ada banyak benda aku benci dalam dunia ni. Salah satunya perokok! Selama ni boleh jer sabar.. tengah2 makan datang perokok dan merokok xde manner.. tengah2 jalan perokok merokok.. aku faham.. perokok lapar merokok.. tapi aku xfaham bila perokok xde manner merokok sesuka hati tanpa tengok sekeliling.. dalam banyak2 ruang.. kau pergi dekat kawasan yang dekat dengan orang.. kau hidupkan putung rokok kau tanpa rasa bersalah.. kau sembur2 rokok kau.. konon hebatlah! Benci aku dengan kau ni!! Dasar perokok!! Bila orang tegur kau.. boleh pula kau panas.. kau xrasa orang panas dengan asap rokok kau! BODOH!! Boleh pula kau cakap MALAYSIA xharam merokok.. kalauxnak hidu asap pergi makan dalam air cond.. bodoh betul.. aku kalau ada restoran.. aku buat bilik khas untuk perokok siap dengan air cond dan bertutup.. biar kau mati dalam tu!

haters,
teamoHada

teacher challenge for ADHD

Astagfiruallahalaim.. astagfiruallahalazim..

Al-Latif Al-Latif.. Al-Latif..

seminggu ni.. emosi lagi lagi tidak stabil.. walaupun i did'nt curse loud.. i curse a lot inside the heart.. you will be surprise if those cursing explode all over the floor..

cikgu minta maaf Ain Iman.. cikgu dah cuba nak ikhlaskan hati.. cikgu dah cuba baca dalam hati Al-Latif.. Al-Latif.. tapi akhirnya cikgu kalah.. cikgu balik rumah cikgu hempas semua rasa amarah kat family.. cikgu cerita cikgu xfaham apa masalah Ain Iman.. cikgu xcukup ilmu nak handle Ain mahupun Iman.. benarlah kata Ustaz Ain.. "ilmu manusia ni ibarat lebihan titisan air kat hujung jari(bila celuk dalam laut) jer walaupun seluruh dunia manusia merantau mencari ilmu Akhirnya ilmu tu dijung jari jer, manakala ilmu Allah ni seluas-luas lautan" maaf Ain.. maaf mama Ain Iman.. cikgu Ain Iman xkuat.. cepat betul terhasut dengan syaitan.. cikgu selalu cakap kat Ain Iman " jangan biarkan keturunan nabi Adam kalah dengan syaitan" tapi, cikgu :'( Ain dengan Iman banyak buat cikgu terfikir.. menguji kesabaran.. dan mental..

Ada masa bila Ain ugut cikgu terjun bangunan nak jer cikgu terjun dulu.. Ada masa Ain mengamuk dan dalam keadaan badan dan tangan bergegar menahan marah.. nak jer cikgu jerit dan buat hal yang sama... Ada masa Ain tuduh cikgu ambil barang2 Ain, padahal Ain terlupa nak letak mana.. nak jer cikgu suruh Ain melutut maaf.. Ada masa Ain lari pusing dan ber kali pusing bangunan dan keluar sekolah.. nak jer cikgu biarkan.. Ada masa Ain jerit2 cakap Ain dah makan.. nak jer cikgu tarik tangan ain kasar2 turun pergi kantin.. Ada masa Ain jerit tuduh2 kawan2 Ain.. ain tahu, diorang tu pun sama macam Ain.. ada waktu "bad day"  kadang2 diorang boleh terima  kadang2 bila ain tuduh buat sesuatu yang dioang xbuat diorang nak buat betul2.. Ain.. cikgu faham.. ada masa cikgu nampak kawan2 ain usik2.. tapi Ain perasan x? banyak masa kawan2 ain betul2 berkawan dengan ain.. banyak mengalah dengan ain.. banyak keistimewaan yang ain dapat dan kawan2 ain xdapat.. banyak hal yang ain buat tidak menjadi masalah dan by the time, kawan2 ain buat bakal menjadi masalah besar bagi mereka. Ain nak cikgu senaraikan ke? maaf  Ain.. maaf mama ain iman.. cikgu memang strict pula minggu ni.. but yet cikgu rasa cikgu masih loving teacher..hehehe kalau x, xdela ain sanggup kejar cikgu bila masa cikgu dah habis kan.. mula2 tu cikgu rasa bahagia la.. tapi lama2 cikgu faham Ain ada masalah "separation Anxiety" sepatutnya usia kanak2 macam ain dah xde separation anxiety setiap kali hantar kesekolah.. kalau nak bercerita kisah ain xkan habis sama macamna bila ain dah mula hyperactive.. "you will talk all day long" mood sengih memanjang dan menyanyi.. kadang2 tu melompat dan siap package main kejar2 dengan kawan2. sepertinya masalah sosial xde dalam diri ain.. dan all the time mata ain selalu xdapat fokus bila cikgu mengajar kat depan.. kalau subjek lain yang tidak melibatkan penglihatan.. cikgu yakin ain xde masalah.. tapi bila bab matematik ain xfokus cikgu mmg tegas.. cikgu nak ain fokus..sebab matematik melibatkan jalan kira dan nombor.. cikgu nak ain boleh mandiri.. bergerak sendiri setiap kali transition class..kawal diri dari rasa marah.. dan kawal diri dari pandangan buruk terhadap orang.. juga kawal perbuatan tangan kaki dan lidah.. jadi adakah ketegasan cikgu membuatkan ain tertekan? cikgu xnak beremosi.. cikgu cuba berfikir positif sehabis mungkin.. tapi xselalunya cikgu berjaya..  ada masa ain aggressive.. ain cursing dan lupa ain adalah budak yang cerdas dan bijak..  ain hina orang sekeliling ain.. ain marah dan in  a meantime ain boleh tersengih macam xde apa yang berlaku.. sebetulnya, cikgu xsempat nak brain myself how do i should react? lupakan kesalahan ain dan tersengih balik kat ain? macam tu? jadi apalah gunanya cikgu untuk Ain.. bagi cikgu.. ain perlu tahu.. kesalahan dan kebaikan ain pada diri ain dan pada orang sekeliling ain.. begitu juga sebaliknya.. ain is special to me. really special..

Iman.. a very very long words.. maybe next time..


2.10 in early morning,
tentang impian dan cita-cita..
semoga Allah jadikannya kenyataan..


Love,
teamoHada

Bad day is exist

In morning-rasa macam balaci pun ada if this kind of thing is going to be like this day by days.. hmm.. dear parents... if you don't treat with respect the teacher, then how your kids will do the same.. you know the weather as well.. you know its raining.. and you are sending late your child at school.. the gate is already close.. what do you expect?  To open the gate for your child? Then to open your car door?  Then your child teacher see how full your mouth is.. this is about manners.. treat with respect and manners! This is annoying.. seriously annoyed me..

In evening after the kids solat zohor- tmpt duduk kena selongkar. Car keys terkeluar dr tempat fail.. duit hilang 30 or 40.. air kotak dutch lady hilang.. plastik dutch lady on floor.. aku taktahu nak syak sapa.. nak take action macamna as aku mmg xingat jg duit ada berapa dlm dompet.. but surely my car keys terusik.. someone touch my personal things.. and i lost my milk.. i felt sad.. but poorly, i'm more sad for those who steal and touch my things without my permission..again.. i felt so go bananas..rasa nak curse on that time.. but i just can't.. i have no evidence and no witnesses.. more that that, i don't want to judge my children..mybestfriends.. i want to believe they are just kids and they won't do something is not right.. if might one of them do.. please Allah, calm of my heart..

At night-my sister told me something that i don't like.. my heart keep beating fast to fight with words back but at the same time, my brain ask me to hold on and listen.. for me.. she just saying and hurt my butt..cried right now 

Everything from morning to night.. it was tiring and tiring.. a very bad day..

Love,

teamoHada