Give up

Salam.

As usual.  Still late sleep.  Walaupun dah menguap berpuluh Kali.

Give up. Hmm. My coworker ask me today.  Have you ever felt give up? Look like I'm questioning myself and answered myself.  This word keep getting twisted in my head. 

I give up but I have to raise my chin.
I give up but my head can't look down.
I give up but I have to open my eyes.
I give up but I my hearing kept sending the message.
I give up but I have my voice.
I give up but I can't close my nose.
I give up but my hands need to walk together with my legs.
I give up but my stomach always need to fill up.
I give up but my brain always working harder.
I give up but my breathing still need the air.
I give up but I have to have brush my teeth.
I give up I need to care my personal hygiene.
I give up but I need to stand up.

Yes.  I do have this.  Often.  But I cannot stand to taste my give up than to fill up all my BUT. 

I'm not good in waiting.  But I'm better in turning my mind about the reward after. So then. I take my breath slowly and hold and hold.  Even though I can feel the burning inside all my body.

Yes.  I do give up.  Yesterday. And now. Let's us fight this energy. Let turn into positive.

P/S: if you own any tips to share.  Let's me know. 

Love,
teamohada

After a while. Stain still there.

Hi
We meet again dearly diary .

Assalamualaikum.
To start with Salam so I don't spend a waste rubbish word here.  Even though I really need to vomit all bad word. I just don't want to do for now. My feelings is exhausting, messy no jolly mood.  And it's killing me slowly. I have read somewhere but I forgot where and when.

If you love to write then write " a nice things so you will remember how happy you are in the past"

I somewhat agree with the statement. But  you have no loss when you wrote your flaws. You will see your immature part or might see how strong you have been to get through your past. Isn't?  Hmm.

No more word to share.  Just to share last 5 days ago I cried. I don't know is it for good or nothing good. And tonight I cannot sleep earlier . That thought came back after a while.

Oh Allah.  Please don't take me away from you.  Oh Allah...

Love
teamoHada

The corpse living the world

I said and they said.

People will never understand.
How I wish I had everything.

Voice. Power. Wealth.

Not because I'm not grateful.
But exactly. I just don't own anything.

In my evil mind.

I wish.
I can voice out my feel.

When I really do.
They said I'm rude.
When I keep close my mouth
They said I created something to fight.
When I shut my voice.
They just names all the bad in I.

I wish.
When I'm done.
They hear my word seriously.
They never understand.
That why they play the recorder again.

They said I'm overly sensitive.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm judgemental.
But they forget when they do.

Trustworthy.
When I told something that I can't share with others. And they just play it without loading. You know.  It's the end.

They said I'm grumpy.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm being egoistic.
But they forget when they do.

They said I'm sarcastic.
But they forget when they do.

For what I did.
For what I just do.
For what I never do.

Complain. Unsatisfied. Difficult.
Anything that no good is all from i.
And when they do all that.
They just forget. And it's fine.

Yes.

One thing for sure.
The difference between they and I.

Just one.

Forgive and revenge.

For them.
They easily forgive.
Include themselves.
Never take heart.

For I.
You should feel whatever I feel.
You gain whatever I gain.
And I just don't take easy.

And

Things that same.

They and I.
We will never say a sorry.
In whatever circumstances.
Either are wrong or aren't.

And

the disadvantages is all to I who want anyone feel whatever I feel.
Because everything I do is all bad in everyone eyes.

You just never know when you aren't in their shoes.

How's difficult she/he trying to drive his/her life.

In future,  if you have this three:

Voice
Use wisely.

Power
Use fairly.

Money
Divide by part.

And after all. 

Remember how's it feel when you don't own anything.

Later.
If you want to pay back. Either good or back. Remember how it feels.

Go go go ahead
Be be be the best
Go ahead
Be the best

If you want to compete
No compete with other
Compete between you
The inner winner is in you.

You and I,
They and I,
We,
teamoHada

A bad dream

Crying. 

Last night I got a dream. I don't know it's a bad dream or not but that turn my day into gloomy...

Crying.

I work really hard today.  I make my brain busy but still can't stop thinking that dream..

Crying.

Everything is not going on my control.  I feel really sick again. Like a knife that stab on my chest..

Crying.

They just won't understand.  They saying I'm weak. I'm in the lowest point. And I don't know where I can climb to the peak again.

Why Allah. I hated it.

I don't belong here.

Gloomy,
teamoHada