I hv friend over a years ago call me like you are pathetic.. that years ago, the meaning i never know... if i turn back the times.. i want ask why the friend call me like that.. i love the friend and never thought that the friend that i call a friend will stab at the back. . But then now i undertand the meaning well.. poor me be back then.. and this years i found another pathetic like me a years ago..
Today i found another pathetic person.. poor this friend.. hypocrite, selfish, another friends and i call this friend.. for the first time... i dont want to speak how much that i dont like this friend.. but then seem i do..i really dont want to speak how much annoyed this friend.. again i do.. anything that this friend did was just a like not sincere.. i cant handle when this friend make face.. sigh with louder.. order people.. use a high pitch tone and i feel more annoyed..
i also still be the same selfish hypocrite.. annoyed to this friend.. we are born as youngest and the pathetic me maybe still there that might the reason this friend and i cant be cope.. i dont like.. somehow i feel.. erghh i hate you.. but just for now it was only the way... being hypocrite or just ignore... this is the first time... i feel that i just a hater.. i feel bad about myself... im not care for what i had or will say anymore.. and this attitude of mine.. i know i might hv give a pain to this friend... im sorry that i could not spread the kindness towards u.. i tried but its just that i cannot...
i hv told myself before to do not keep anything in my heart.. i will talk.. i will say.. i will reject for what i dont like.. and things that i will do or had done.. i know that i hv been hurting people by this attitude.. but i had promise to myself to do not hurting myself anymore.. im sorry.. i might do not care for what you think.. i might care for my things.. im sorry.. i might reject any orders because i hate being controlled.. i hate when people order what should i do what should i dont.. im sorry...
another a month to go..and i pray that i can be patience.. i pray that i can control the feeling.. i pray... i still do pray that i can spread the kindness.. think positive more about this friend.. but after all im just a human.. that also hv selfishness.. can be hypocrite, talk back, a hater.. speak a cruel words.. and more.. im sorry if im not behave like what you think of me.. im not a just a good girl... sorry..